Romance

Keeping the romance alive with children is very hard. Especially when your husband doesnt even know what that word is. I try and keep things alive. Light candles when we are watching movies, or put on slow music when we are cleaning. But, he doesnt see it like that. He is SO into himself that he doesnt even see it. He listens to Rap. Full blown "Gangsta" rap. Drives me INSANE! Romantic music drives him nuts. He sees it as im trying to annoy him instead of trying to keep it between us. Its so easy to forget how to be romantic and i feel like thats whats happening here. Even though, he was never a romantic like i am. Its hard. I like candle lit dinners, and slow dancing in the living room. I like to sit outside in the cold and cuddle under the stars. I like to lay in front of a fire and talk. Him, not so much. He wants everything to be quick and over with. Always seems like he is in such a hurry. So, i tried something new. One day when he was working late, i dressed really nice made a nice big dinner. I put on some slow music and lit a few candles. He came in and just stood there. I introduced it all like it was a fancy restaurant. At first he called me silly and went to shower. When he came back out and seen me sitting at the table waiting for him and the candles lit, he caved. It was a cheap dinner, cheap candles and we didnt have to leave our house. But, it felt like we were in Hawaii. I think its important to always show your SO a little romance. Keeps things going and keeps that "spark" nice and warm. Make it a surprise a few times a year. They'll love it :) 

Here's a good site with some good tips for romance:  http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/02/14/15-ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round/

Have you ever had a life changing experience? Something that made you sit straight up and realize....you're doing it all wrong? I've been through so much in my life that, everything was life changing. When I was 9, it was discovered that i was being assaulted by a family member. That same year, we got our house destroyed because there was a fugitive on our couch. By destroyed, i mean the cops shot tear gas through every window in our house. We lost everything. Had nowhere to go. That day, I became a 16year old. While my mom was strong, she couldn't hold herself together very well. It was then up to me. When we finally got a place and started to get situated, it was me who kept everyone together. I took care of my family, I was the adult. Shit, I was 10 years old. I didn't have time to act my age. I had homework, laundry, dishes a 3, 6, 9 and 15 year old to take care of. Not to mention my pregnant mom. It wasn't easy. But it shaped me. Prepared me. I have my own children and I know exactly what needs to be done for them. It scares me everyday that I'm going to end up like my mom. I try and make sure I'm the exact opposite but sometimes its so overwhelming. Trying not to be her, its more exhausting and than raising 2 kids is. I love my mother. Don't get me wrong. But I do not want to be anything like her.

Family

I constantly find myself struggling with my family. My parents seem to act like teenagers more than anything. They split up when i was 10 and we went our separate ways. I didnt talk to my father for nearly 10 years. It was, it was a crazy time. After a lot of help and time, i could finally allow my father to be in my life again. Since then, its like my mom decided she didnt need to be around and just bounced out. Idk. Im always irritated with them feeling like im talking to some damn 16year olds. It makes me more mad that my kids have to be brought into this cycle of BS that i grew up with. I was kinda hoping they would have grown up by now and moved on from this childish shit. It appears that i am doing better at managing my life than they ever have. Its been a mess. Im to the point where walking away from them so my children dont have to put up with their shit seems a lot better of an idea.

Coping with Differences

Its especially hard when you and your SO (significant other) have different ways of raising and punishing your children. He gets so frustrated and makes the situation worse sometimes. I try and tell him to keep calm and make him understand how to communicate with our LOs.
My son is in terrible 2s and likes to push everyone's buttons. You know that stage. Well, my SO thinks its a good idea to fight back. Seems so childish sometimes. He feels like our son is 7 instead of 2 and it makes me so mad! Trying to keep my composure until he is done talking to our LO is difficult. But its important to never undermine each other in front of the kids. That only opens doors for the kids and shows them its OK for them to talk back and not listen. Try and remember to save your arguments until your LOs are not in the same room. Keep calm until you guys are alone. Step outside and have a brief convo if you must. Communication is key.

Teaching your Toddler

Having a toddler and a baby can be stressful at times. Knowing the important factors for a toddler can really help. Turn off the TV for 3-4 hours a day and dedicate that time to your toddler.
 Turn everything in a learning game is a huge plus. Eating lunch: put different colors on their plate. Orange carrots, red apples etc. Take the time to ask them what color they have. It gives you time to teach and doesn't take away from the baby.
Count everything they have. Lay a certain amount of crackers and count as they eat them. Count how many toys they have out, how many places are on the tray, always keep them into it.
My son is 2. He knows all of his alphabet, can count to 15 in English and 5 in Spanish, he knows his colors. Left foot vs right foot. He knows more than most toddlers I know. I spend hours with him on his learning. I made teaching him the number one goal especially when I found out I was pregnant again. Its important to always make time for learning and teaching. Flash cards, talking slow so he can learn the words, repetition and constantly reminding him of stuff he already knows to keep him on point. Good teaching games: get the foam alphabet/number for the bathtub and turn bath time into learning. Flash cards are excellent but its very easy to get frustrated with them, be patient. Only work on 4-5 cards at a time. Add more but always show the ones they know. Be persistent, try not to get frustrated and they will figure it out.

Having a valid and complete support system is extremely helpful when having children. Stop associating with people who bring you down or who are going to be a negative impact in your children's life. Even if its someone who has been your friend for a long period of time, its not worth it. I've watched too many people ruin their children's life by holding onto people who are not trustworthy or who try and trash your abilities. I've had to let go and move on from people who were once close to me. Its hard, and it sucks. But its been better. Less drama, more time for positive influences.